One of the recurring themes around Reclaim your Inner Throne is women asking if they can join our training.
Or if there will be a similar training for women soon.
I enjoy these questions.
I enjoy them because they indicate that women recognize the quality of the RYIT work and want to experience it for themselves.
I also enjoy them in a humorous kind of way in my recognition that whereever men gather, women want to be part of it to “sort us out”.
A week ago, I hosted the presentation “Archetypal Men’s Work & World renewal” at Mark Walsh’s Embodiment Conference (read to the end for instructions on watching the recording).
Attendance was about 50% men 50% women.
It was an educational experience for me. As I shared on the day of the presentation, I had initially felt reluctant to have the women be present.
Why? (am I a discriminating, misogynist asshole?)
This is why: My experience suggests that even ONE woman in a room of men changes the behavior of the men. On every round of Reclaim your Inner Throne, I see the men shift from being in a more sharp, directional energy to being soft and gooey when the women join the call in week #8 and #9.
I have felt it myself too. A room full of masculine men has a “colder”, more angular quality to it. The vibe is one of pursuing objectives and getting shit done.
The moment ONE woman enters a room, that vibe typically shifts, as much of the men’s attention goes to the woman who just arrived.
In that moment, something like this may happen: Several of the men connect with their animal desire as they start scanning the room for competitors on the path of their imaginary sexual conquest. Many of the men may change their behavior to please the female. Many of the men will close down their power. They may lose all sense of direction as they melt into her feminine energy. Some men withdraw out of fear, no longer safe in themselves.
Whatever the case, the space is completely different.
Now, *should it be this way*? Are we men weak for “losing our shit” as our biology kicks in with all of its associated mindfucks?
I do think many of us men (myself included) have a lot to learn about being natural and grounded around women, including how to desire a woman sexually in a way that brings her joy, turn-on and beauty.
It seems, as well, that we must learn to honor that there are large parts of the female experience that we simply cannot understand, for we are not in female bodies.
In other words, if a man were to be invited into a ritual space of women, he must show up there with a deep sense of respect, humility, curiosity, honoring, sensitivity and perhaps even devotion, lest he be kicked right back out.
I think most men get this.
And then I wonder, do most women understand that the same applies to them when they are invited into a male space?
That’s the question I had in my mind as I requested that all the women present at my conference presentation took the attitude of being there for the men. I went so far as to suggest that if they could not, they should leave.
How did it go?
The answer is: For the most part really well.
Most of the women present seemed to understand that this was a unique opportunity to be present with the men in their sacred work.
Yet having been involved with and leading men’s work for a while, I recognize that there is one aspect of men’s work that predictably triggers women into problematic behavior.
And that aspect is the very same that triggers men into problematic behavior.
And it happened on this call as well.
What is the topic?
It is the topic of men’s dark warrior impulses, expressed as territorialism, the desire to fuck, uncompromising claims of the object of our desire.
This instinctual “red” force is responsible for so much of the destruction in human history.
And the way a woman responds to this aspect of the male psyche determines, it seems to me, whether she loves or hates men.
If a woman believes that this dark warrior is entirely destructive, a force of evil in the world, “the patriarchy” or some other bogeyman concept, she will typically be on bad terms with men.
This is a woman who has likely been traumatized by unconscious use of male power and sexuality in the past and is now unable to differentiate between healthy displays of male power and violent, misogynist behavior.
And in the presentation, as we explored some contentious ideas around consent, the voice of traumatized women arose in the group.
In that moment, the container was subtly compromised as a few women present could not differentiate the conversation about men owning their inner animal power from concepts of toxic masculinity and “patriarchy”‘
(the fact that it wasn’t stronger is to the credit of Mark Walsh and the amazing women in his team)
This is what happens, it seems to me, when a woman has never learned to see the dark warrior in a man as a benevolent force that protects women and children. As there are too few mature men in the world, such women – correct me if I’m wrong ladies – have equated male power with oppression, violence, rape and destruction, unaware that this same male power is what protects women and children from danger and suffering.
It seems clear that men must learn to respect, love and honor female ritual spaces. Similarly women must learn to respect, love and honor male ritual spaces.
And as we, maybe out of necessity, step across the divide into each other’s ritual spaces, we must learn to not bring our trauma in with us, and defile what would otherwise be a space of healing, transformation and empowerment.
There is an unfortunate trend in our culture wherein women are more and more suspicious of male spaces, and want to combat and sabotage them. Due to unprocessed trauma and ideological contamination, they believe that men are essentially destructive and that the only way for them to be tempered is for “women to sort them out”.
This is a destructive trend that must be combated, lest it cause irreparable damage to our culture.
For as I said in my presentation, a man MUST learn to relate to his dark impulses of power and sexuality. If women and over-sensitive men beging to shut down all explorations of this shadow, through journalistic hit-pieces, social media takedowns and defamation campaigns, these spaces will die out and men with good hearts will lose access to their only viable pathway to integrating their animal instincts.
Instead, they will end up as weak pushovers.
So the irony is that as traumatized women infiltrate the ritual spaces of men with the intention of making the world safer for themselves, they create a world where the good men become weaker and the draconian, cruel men – who don’t give a shit about the opinions of women – remain the only men in touch with their animal instincts, and accordingly free to wreak havoc on the world for their own selfish reasons.
And so in women’s efforts to make men “safe”, the world becomes more dangerous for us all.
It seems that acting from trauma leads us to creating the problem we are fighting. It seems as well that speaking from trauma leads us to use words that makes “the enemy” stronger.
It doesn’t matter if we’re male or female.
But as a man who has founded what is widely known as one of the most powerful men’s work trainings in the world, I make this plea to collective womanhood: Approach our sacred space with the same respect and humility as you would expect us to have if and when invited into yours.
And understand that there are things that MUST happen in our sacred space that may seem dangerous to some of you, especially if men have hurt you in the past.
If you respond to this act of great honoring and trust from men by criticizing the ritual space, trying to shape it to your liking, not only should you be removed from the space, you should be educated to understand that your actions, in lesser or greater ways, are directly responsible for creating a world that is more dangerous to yourself, your mothers, sisters, daughters, and to all women who live and will ever live.
On Reclaim your Inner Throne, we have a consistently fantastic experience with the women on our team, who come in to meet the men in the midst of their process.
What takes place between the men and these amazing women is unbelievably beautiful and gives me, our team, and the women hope for the future of gender relations (or at least so they tell me).
Similarly, I was grateful to experience that the women on the call at the Embodiment Conference were so supportive of the work we need to do as men (as are tons of other amazing women out there).
And yet the tiny ripples of distrust among some of the women present opened up this process of reflection.
If this text seems useful to you, please share it widely. The feedback of women every time I speak of these things amazes me: So many of you women simply don’t understand this, and it seems you want to.
I know I speak for many men when I say that I and we will fight to protect your right to have your sacred spaces free of contamination from angry, resentful men.
Do you accept that we ask for the same in return?
PPS! One of the amazing women on our team, Tess van der Putten, whose voice blesses the men on each round of Reclaim your Inner Throne, is currently doing a fundraiser for her upcoming album. Please support her share her gift to the world.
PPPS! Phew – one final note: David Lion is putting on the amazing Evolving Men Summit these days. I’m featured as one of the experts. David has poured his heart and soul into this and with some of the names featured, it’s bound to be a fantastic summit. Watch trailer of David’s interview with me.